The irrelevant ramblings of a crazy man or a searing enditement of amateur theatre in the 21st Century? You decide......
We plough the fields and scatter…
So what does the ensemble do at rehearsals? Learn lines? No. Learn songs? No. Discuss weighty matters thrown at us by St. Mathew? No. At this evening's rehearsal the main topic of conversation from certain quarters was who has the nicest bum, Jesus or Judas. Sorry Jesus, but Judas won! He may be a naughty boy, but his buttocks fill his jeans pertly. Your jeans are just baggy.
We're now on the final leg of rehearsals, scripts are down (ish) and the production team and band members are turning up to find out what they've let themselves in for. Technically this may be one of the most intricate shows ever performed at Lancaster Grand Theatre, with huge suspended plasma TV screens showing recorded and live transmissions, and state of the art lighting and sound. The scenery has been designed and built specially for us (most other groups hire their stuff in) and in itself is quite complicated, with trap doors, fences and special effects built in, as it has to accommodate magic tricks, singing sheep and belligerent goats.
Photographers have arrived, costume people are measuring The back of the set dwarfed body parts and tickets are on sale and going fast! So you'd on the Winter Garden stage better ring the Box Office now!
The second chapter....
Ohh! Hasn't it been hot! People all over the place wandering round in scanty shorts flip flops. I wish some of them would wash their feet first though.
We've seen the set. Mr. B. has designed it and built a scale model of it. It does look rather smashing. It has a wall and a fence and pipes and trap doors and slopes and steps. I know now before I even set foot on it I'll end up going bum over boob over some part of it.
It's true. Scenery and I don't get on. I've had flats fall on me, doors stick, handles come off, revolves not revolving, or worse, going too fast and props flying off in all directions, stairs collapse, curtains jam, tables tip etc etc. And please don't mention my problems with lights, sound, and costumes! And then there was the time during an open air promenade production in a park when on my entrance a pyrotechnic went wrong and set fire to a listed 1928 wood built ornamental shelter. But we won't talk about that. Best not. Though the firemen were very kind.
Where was I? Oh yes, the set. It looks fun. Mr. B. has obviously spent a lot of time designing and working out the intricacies of it, and of course the best way to get it on The Grand Theatre stage, for as some of you may know, The Grand is not blest with decent wing space and most musical shows are a bit of a nightmare in there.
At rehearsals last week we were doing things with drum sticks, rattles and boxes, all to turn part of the production "A-la-Stomp!" Poor Simpson is making "Arrrrrrgh" type noises with the help of a Trafford Council Wheelie Bin. I forgot my noise maker so had to down a bottle of Budweiser so I could make a noise blowing in a bottle. The experience exhausted me. (I did offer to supply natural body gassy wind but the offer was declined.)
I've been a bit exhausted all day actually. I've just finished a rather gruelling but simply fantastic, wonderful and hilarious production of the musical "The Producers", at Blackpool Grand Theatre. I was working back stage on the production side, and in all my "40 years in the business darling!" I have never seen so much scenery in one show. Last night it was the end of run party in some infamous Blackpool nightclub, and at 2.30 this morning I found myself getting down and dirty on the dance floor with two very friendly rugby players and a drag queen called Bunty…
It;s 7.30 in the morning, and as I eat my breakfast of Coco Pops and Baileys (I’ve run out of milk again) I wonder to myself 'What is a BLOG'? Is it a rather large person dressed in Lycra from a local infamous dance school, or is it the small room at the end of the corridor? I then remembered I had seen one of these things on the internet.
I turned on my system and looked at the site it was on: www.Butchstud.com
After reading the said BLOG, followed by a stiff drink, I realised that this was probably not the type of BLOG that Sharon had in mind – well not for this site anyway. Mr. Butch Stud has written about things he has done that I would have thought were physically impossible and possibly illegal. It then struck me. A BLOG is a diary. Sharon wants me to keep a diary of Godspell. Flamin’ Norah! I have to write about the show, the rehearsals, who said what, who has fallen out with whom, and who is doing naughty things they shouldn’t with other(s). Does she know I can’t keep a secret and gossip is my middle name?
On her head be it!
So, here we go. Godspell. “Day by Day” and “Preeeeeeepare yeeee the waaay of the Lorrrrd” are just two songs the regular drinkers at The Boot and Shoe in Scotforth hear belting out across the beer garden every Monday and occasional Wednesday evenings. For the more adventurous amongst them who dare to look in the direction of the Function Suite they will see a bunch of lunatics screeching with joy as they jump around washing their heads, feet and armpits in make-believe holy water. They’ll hear (but they won’t see as she won’t stand on a chair) Kay McLaughlin shouting “Have yer got it yet?” as she puts the chorus through their paces; they’ll see Ange tinkling on the ivories (and playing the piano as well); Mr. B. running to the loo yet again because of the weird water diet he’s on – though not as weird as the one Simpson’s got the other ladies doing where they can eat as much soup as they want in a day, but only soup, no chocolate and no wine; and they’ll see me singing my little heart out! Unfortunately, the songs that I am singing are from Fiddler on the Roof, not Godspell, because as usual I’m totally confused and still think it’s 2007.
Will we be ready by November 2009? Watch this space…